IT'S OFFICIAL!
LOCH NESS MONSTER TO CONTINUE TO RESIDE IN SCOTLAND FOR AT LEAST THE NEXT 20 YEARS!
I have now had it from a very reliable intelligence contact that the Loch Ness Monster will not now be relocating from Scotland nor outsourcing any Hollywood Blockbuster movies based on it's life to Sweden, Finland nor Norway. All films about the elusive Monster (normally seen by onlookers after midnight and after 40 Wee Drams) swimming the Loch , will be Scottish-made and Scottish copyrighted with the Nessie symbol remaining as a proud United Kingdom and even prouder Scottish country export.
Of all the things which most irritated Alex Salmond, Scotland's First Minister, was the prospect, being touted by his opponents, of waking up to find that the country's best loved international attraction would be moving to Hollywood - forever - should Scotland vote for Independence from the United Kingdom.
His vituperations were most venomously directed against fellow Scot, David Cameron, the Prime Minister, whom he accused of underhanded tactics to encourage luminaries, the likes of Nessie, through the national and international media, to make ominous declarations in advance of the Referendum Vote about their intention to quit Scotland should the 'YES' vote for Scottish Independence succeed.
It just happened that after the 'No' vote (55% 'No' as opposed to 'Yes', on 45%) the only person quitting was Scotland's First Minister, Alex Salmond, but with the ominous promise: ''I'll Be Back!'' .....''Unlike the Westminster MOB I twisted no arms nor bullied nor bribed my way to win the Vote and I played it fair and square''.... '' I did no underhand deals with Nessie nor with the Multinationals - unlike those public schoolboys and girls from that House of Horrors called Westminster, Somewhere in that Far Away Galaxy called England.''
